The Many Types of Facebook Status Updates
What's Your Status?
Facebook is probably the most popular social networking site on the internet right now. Just about everyone who uses the internet is currently on Facebook. Some of us even have more than one profile on Facebook. So why is it so popular? I believe it has something to do with the status updates.
There is a certain art to the status update. Everyone has their own style and most people use a variety of status updates. The status updates help everyone keep in touch with each other and receive mini-updates on friends' lives. No one has to call anyone or even meet up with someone face to face anymore. You open up Facebook, read some status updates, get a sense of how life is going for your friend or relative, and then go on with your life. It is convenient and fast (and impersonal).
Since status updates are so popular, there are certain trends in status updates. Some types of status updates you can see over and over again on Facebook. I would like to explore the many types of Facebook status updates.
The Melodramatic Update
Example: "I don't know how I can continue with life this way. If something doesn't change soon, I am throwing myself off a cliff."
Aside from being called the Melodramatic Update, these updates are also known as the Drama Queen Update or the Dramatic Update. This is a person crying out for attention. These are the same people that always have some kind of real life drama going on in their lives. What the person really wants is a response from someone that goes something like this, "Oh no! What happened?"
You know what you should do? Ignore them. If your friend was really that depressed, he or she would not be putting trivial updates like this on Facebook. This is not serious. It is someone trying to suck you into their drama. Don't do it.
The Passive Aggressive Update
Example: "It is all that slut's fault that Fred broke up with me!"
Wait a minute.... what slut? Is there a backstory to this and we don't know about it? Of course there is a backstory! This status update is not even intended for a general audience. Chances are, "the slut" is on her friend list and she wants just that one person to read the status update. Obviously, it would be way too mature for someone to actually approach the person and say it to her face. Instead, why not just post it online?
These status updates are very similar to the Melodramatic Update, but this is geared towards just one person. The person who posted this does not have the nerve to actually approach "the slut." Instead, she will use this as a way to vent her frustrations and play the part of the victim. We'll probably never hear the other side of the story unless "the slut" confronts her online and a Facebook catfight begins.
The Mundane Update
Example: "I just went to the grocery store and bought cheese."
Wow. Really? Please, at least tell me you got it on sale or something. What a boring update. If this is the best you can do, you might want to stay away from updating anyone until you have something else to say.
The I Hate Work Update
Example: "Bob in IT just said I am playing my music too loud in my cubicle. I HATE him! Maybe he should spend more time fixing the network, which is down again, and less time judging me. Now I have another meeting and I am behind on my project again. I hate Mondays!"
Oh boy, this is a popular status update. I will admit I am really guilty about posting this type of update. Sometimes when at work, the computer is your only outlet for frustration. You have to be careful about this type of update though. You'd better have a private profile for this one. If your boss sees it, you may have more free time for Facebook while unemployed.
The My Life is So Exciting Update
Example: "Just got back from my week long Caribbean cruise. I almost don't have enough time to pack for my business trip in Florida in 2 days."
When you read these updates, don't you just want to punch a hole through the monitor? I am sure whoever posts updates like this does not realize how annoying they sound. Perhaps they've been to so many wonderful places and their lives are full of so much excitement that they do not even remember what it is like to just sit at home and read stuff like that on the computer. Sigh. At least this status update is better than a mundane one.
The Inside Joke Update
Example: "Gorillas! That is all I have to say."
Usually after a status update like this, at least a few other people respond with equally confusing comments about gorillas. Most of their responses include short sentences or just a word or two.
What are you talking about? If you are not going to share with the rest of us, stop being so annoying and using that as a status update.
The Too Much Information Update
Example: "I am still really itchy, but at least that rash is clearing up. Don't ever use the toilets at Todd's house."
Oh, wow. That was really gross, yet informative. I did need to know that if I know Todd, but why are you sharing that with the world? Is your mom on Facebook? Is your boss? Thanks for sharing, but no thanks.
The Funny Status Update
Example: "I am stuck under the computer right now. Someone come and save me!"
OK. I guess we need a little humor here and there, and why not express it on Facebook? This is sure more fun to read than most other updates.
The Lyric Status Update
Example: "I woke up this morning feeling like P. Diddy."
Oh, thanks Ke$ha, when did I friend you on Facebook? The Lyric Status Update is a way to convey a message to your friends in a poetic way by using song lyrics. Some people alter the lyrics to be creative, while other people quote directly from a song. For some reason, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, and Kings of Leon are quoted a lot.
The Repost Status Update
Example: "If you hate cancer, repost this as your status update."
Well, that is awfully bossy. I have a different status update I want to use today. So what happens if I do not repost this? Do I seem like an insensitive, cancer-loving jerk? I assure you, I hate cancer just like everyone else, but I want the freedom to express myself however I please while using Facebook. OK. I guess I am an insensitive jerk after all. I guess I'll repost it.
The Ultimatum Status Update
Example: "I am going to clean up my friend list this weekend. If I don't hear from you by Friday, I am going to unfriend you."
Really? Is that what it comes down to now? If I don't send you a message and beg to be your friend, you are going to defriend me on Facebook? Wow. Thanks, Grandma. I thought you loved me.
The Ultimatum Status Update is quite popular with folks that have, oh, I don't know... around a thousand friends. They friend everyone, get overwhelmed, and then start weeding people out. If you don't say something nice, you are gone. Usually a person decides to do this because the status updates (probably like some listed above) have gotten out of hand. One or two people just become so annoying that others must suffer, too. Of course, it would not be so nice to just defriend the one or two offenders; just delete 100 people at once and the offender will never be offended!
The General Update
Example: "I am on Hubpages writing a hub about status updates. Thinking about going to lunch at Panera's after this. Anyone interested?"
Yes, sometimes people just have a normal status update they want to share. These updates include a normal activity and perhaps a "shout out" to friends to see if they would also like to engage in a normal activity with you. Sometimes we all get a little bored and decide to post a general update. There is nothing wrong with that. Typically, it does not cause any fights, any jealous fits, and it annoys no one.
So for now, perhaps it is time for me to sign off here and sign on to Facebook. Perhaps I will post a general status update right now!
Copyright ©2011 Jeannieinabottle